We have a special guest post for today; one that I am so excited to share with you! I have been so impressed with the amount of work Liz, from A Belle, A Bean & A Chicago Dog, does day in and day out and I was curious how she managed it all: blogging, family, starting a new social media gig…so I sent an email to ask her if she could share a light-hearted Good/Bad of working from home and she said yes!
Liz is fast becoming one of my favorites and I know you will enjoy her writing too. Sit back, and please enjoy :
The Goods & Bads of Having a Husband Who Works from Home
My husband, Craig, has been working from home for nearly 8 years. When
our first baby was born in December 2005, I became a stay-at-home mom and
our day-to-day life quickly turned into one that looked nothing like that
of a typical American family.
Our girls are now 5 and 2, so their realities have always been that Daddy
and Mommy are around all day, every day. And at this point, having Craig
at home has been my reality for so long that it would be a major shift in
my world for him to take a position that would put him back in the office.
Working from home isn’t all sunshine and rainbows though. Like with
anything in life, it has its goods and bads.
Good: Flexibility in childcare. We live states away from all our family, so
if I need to go to the doctor, etc., I can leave the kids with Craig in
our home office (i.e. the finished room over our garage).
Bad: Any time I have to make an appointment, I need to run upstairs and
check with my husband first. I must look like the neediest, most
co-dependent wife there is.
Good: If a kid is throwing a horrendous tantrum, Daddy can step in.
Bad: When a kid is throwing a horrendous tantrum… while Daddy is on the
phone.
Good: I can yell up the stairs when it’s time for dinner, and we’re
sitting down together as a family just a few minutes later.
Bad: I start getting the “What are we eating for dinner?” question much
earlier in the day, including the sighs and eye rolls if what’s on the
menu isn’t his favorite.
Good: We have a lot of family time because we’re always all together.
Bad: I have the kids, the dog AND the husband around the house with me
ALL.DAY.LONG. Any wife and mother reading knows how trying that can be
sometimes.
All in all, I really do appreciate his ability to work from our house, and
I hope it can stay this way for many more years to come.
Do you work from home or have a spouse who does? What are some of your Goods/Bads? Share with us in the comments below!
I would love to work from home…but I can’t imagine both of us doing so.
It does sound nice though…
Thanks Liz for sharing!!
No we don’t work from home together but we do woek outside of the house together. We met at work and now we commute together (yea I can write/read/nap all the way to and from work) we work very close at the office (if I need him to fix my computer he is only 30 steps away) and I have lunch with my hubby every day. But I also get no time alone….no driving and listening to my stations on the radio or replay that song on a CDall the way home (we have an hour commute each way) but the good outweighs the bad, with twins at this age we drop them off together, pick them up together and have time with each othe even if I am napping
My husband and I get crabby if we spend too much time together. (Or if we spend too much time apart.) Your situation wouldn’t go over too well here.
Twitter: allfookeduptoo
I couldn’t handle it personally. I need alone time and that literally means NO ONE IN THE HOUSE. Also, I can’t imagine my husband would be able to put up with having me around that much.
Proud of you though for making it work.
Twitter: fourplusanangel
How nice for your kids to grow up with both of you so close all the time. My husband has very long days and I couldn’t imagine him home that much. He was off for a week last week and that was enough for me. But as you said, this is our reality and if he had always been home I would be used to that too.
I work from home 4 days a week. It is very nice to be close to my kid (we have a babysitter, who comes to watch him, so that I can get my work done), but I have no privacy. I am at home ALL DAY, and it gets to be too much sometimes. Being around a newborn already makes you feel removed from society and staying at home 4 days a week only solidifies it. Although, I do love working in sweat pants and having my kitchen 1 step away…
Looks like the good outweighs the bad. What more can you ask for?
I would love to be able to work from home, but I’m not sure about having the husband there all day too! I suppose that if we had an office that wasn’t close to the rest of the living area(s) it’d be alright.
David threatens to work from home all the time and I know it would be a disaster because when he does he just wants my attention ALL day long
I’m finished my mat leave tomorrow so there will be a shift in our home. We’ll both be back to work. I don’t think we could be home together it would be too frustrating for me lol
Twitter: SoberJulie
I worked from home for a long time and we found it wonderful in the sense of being there for our children and avoiding daycare BUT it was horrible because much of my work included phone calls and kids well they are just noisy.
We hated having to tell them to be quiet etc.
I completely understand about not being the typical American family. My husband has worked from home for 15 years. I have homeschooled our 4 children over the course of 8 years. While the two oldest are now in high school, we still have 4 people home everyday in our house – 3 meals all together – there is no break or alone adult time ever. He now has a new position causing him to have to travel quite a bit. He was gone all of last week and will be gone another 3 days this week. It is quite an adjustment for all of us. I can tell you that though it can be tiring – it has been a wonderful lifestyle for us. Good to meet another family it works for as well!
I work from home part-time. It’s exhausting but I don’t miss being in an office all that much. At this point in my life anyway!
Twitter: mommyinthecity
I love being able to work from home but honestly don’t think I could handle having my husband working from home. My daughter would love having her daddy around, but I think that it might be a little much for me. I enjoy the alone time I have with my daughter and would probably rather have it that way! I can definitely see the pros with having him home all the time though!
Twitter: wordsxo
Great blog topic! Some of my favorite times have been when my husband has been working at home and we can all be together (I’ve almost always worked at home as a writer). On the other hand, I can so relate to what you mean about “looking like the neediest, most co-dependent wife there is.” I *feel* like the neediest, most co-dependent wife all the time!
You just get so used to that built in second opinion! It’s a blessing and a curse!
I’d like to think that if our circumstances shifted and Bill were working from home every day, we’d “settle in” with a new routine; a new normal.
As it is, he has a somewhat flexible schedule that finds him home occasionally, but never predictably (which means I can’t ever PLAN anything. it’s just “surprise! I’m home!”).
Mornings or mid-days or afternoons when he is (unexpectedly) at home can be a treat…or terribly distracting.
Because our computers are near each other, I feel watched. I don’t relax or have the same kind of focus. And I sometimes can’t wait for him to leave if I have a lot to do and/or he keeps interrupting to rant about work or discuss taxes (fun!).
On the other hand, during a week when we’ve been too busy to connect or have quiet conversations, he’ll suggest a run together or a glass of champagne (at 10:00 AM?) or lunch(this happened only once, but still…)
My point? (You weren’t expecting an entire post here in the comments section were you?)
I’m still in awe of you.
Carry on.
The lack of predictability is hard. I never know day to day when he’ll be here, when he’ll visit customers, when he’ll go out of town. And I admit that when he goes out of town, and the girls are in bed for the night, I really like the peace.
I like a man who leaves to go to work. Sounds like you guys have worked it out though!
Twitter: womanonajourney
I have worked from home off and on throughout the years. At one point, we were homeschooling 3 of our kids and hubby and I ran a fulltime photography biz out of our home for 5 years. It had its goods and bads. I loved that the kids had him here. I loved that he was here when I needed him. Working together made me a little but nuts as he and I would have differing ideas of when and how projects should be done. I miss the good times we had, but I don’t miss the stressful part of it!
Bernice
Speeding through Life
I know you have a lot of thoughts on working from home and keeping that balance in check.
Twitter: MisfitMommy
Hi Liz! I am envious and am sorry for you all at once. My husband usually stays home one day during the week, and I love having him around to: help with the kids, get to some of the ‘honey-do’ projects around the house, and some of the things you talk about like the ability to make child-free appointments (and naps!) for myself. The downside is, we spend waaay too much time hanging out and talking, so my entire routine is thrown off, and I usually end up with twice as much stuff to do the next day.
If he were any more often (excluding weekends) my house would be steps away from being featured on ‘Hoarders.’
Ha! Um, Hoarders would NOT be good! That man needs to go to work!
We could not do it. Unless we are on vacation we can only take about 4 days of us both being home before we want to kill each other. My in-laws have worked together almost all of their lives running a small business. It seems to work for them. They have even been divorced now for about 7 years and are still working together. Good for them & for you!
Twitter: MrsJenBardall
My husband is the SAH, and on the rare day that I have to work from home it *generally* goes well. Except when he expects me to, like, be available for him to talk to or run an errand with or watch a movie with. Like, this isn’t an extension of the weekend – I AM working. Oh, and I’m also expected to get dinner ready. It’s never been expressly stated, but when dinner time’s rolling up and nothing’s been done yet…Sigh.
It ain’t easy! It’s an adjustment and requires a lot of discipline to stay focused on the job at hand.
Great post! I would love for my husband to WAH. We used to work together, and I miss it.
Twitter: NaynaDub
Good pro’s/con’s list! My husband used to work from home back when he first started his own marketing agency (this was pre-kids). The thing that drove me crazy – the moment I walked in from work it was “where are we going? can we go shopping? where should we go for dinner?”, etc. and the list goes on and on. He was so stir crazy and wanted to get out and all I wanted to do was chill out on the couch in my house that I’d been away from all day. I was so happy the day they signed their lease for office space.
Twitter: sellabitmum
My husband works from home. I hate it. Hate it. Hate every single moment of it. Now he spends most of his time working from the coffee shop. Our marriage is better for it and we get lots of free coffee.
Twitter: mytimeasmom
I love my husband but I don’t think I could handle him being home all day with me. Plus he can’t stay focused on work if he is at home. He would end up watching TV and sleeping all day.
It is hard. I know many people who tried to work from home but were too tempted with their free time, and had to go back to a traditional office setting.
Twitter: thejackb
Mind if a father throws his two cents in…
I am a work from home father and have been for 4.5 years now. My son is 10 and my daughter is almost 7.
There have been moments where it has been incredible, exceptional and better than I could have ever hoped.
I make it to coach their teams, watch school performances and sometimes help serve lunch at school.
But it is also really hard.
The house isn’t big enough for me to have an ‘official’ office. When no one is home I work in the living room. The dog keeps me company and knows not to interrupt me during telephone calls and emails.
That changes when everyone comes home. If the kids are fighting or need help with their homework I get sucked in. I understand that it is hard to be with them and that everyone wants help.
When they are sick I am the one who stays with them. But the end result is that if they come home at 4 my work day is compressed into something smaller than I need. I end up working a lot of nights and parts of weekends.
If I worked in an office I would probably be gone from 7 AM until around 7 PM and no one would complain about my not being able to help out for five minutes here and there.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my children and am grateful that I get to see them often. But sometimes I wish that I had more traditional hours so that I didn’t feel like I work constantly.
Twitter: gdrpempress
My hubs has always been on the road.
When he was laid off for one year, I was secretly happy.
We were together. The boys loved it, I loved it.
When he went back to work, my little Baby E cried.
He cried and cried and would call his dad on the road.
No perfect world, I know..but it was nice to have my husband for company.
I couldn’t do it. I’d be trying to find a place to stash my husband’s body within a week!
Ha! At least you are honest. And not alone, judging on the comments left above!
Twitter: amandaaustin
We have another weird work situation at our place. I work in an office & my hubby is a teacher who only works 3 days per week outside the home (and he’s off all summer). Mondays he gets the baby all day, which can lead to some frantic calls for me. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like this summer. And besides that fact, I cook all the dinners..I swear when my husband rolls his eyes at what I’m fixing, there are words.
A Daddy Daycare situation is definitely something to get used to and not the norm. Good for you for taking things in stride.
My husband doesn’t work from home but I still have to ask him every time I make an appoinment. Still need someone to watch the kids- just not as flexible on the availability.
That whole “living away from family” thing is another tricky situation. And also one that not many people have as their realities.
I think it would drive me insane to have my husband at home during the week. As it is I find it incredibly hard to work from home – I’m always so distracted by things that need to get done or the phone ringing, or that new recipe I saw in NYT that I have to try. I usually go out to a cafe to write/blog. I’m so much more efficient that way! But there is something to be said for all together dinner time every night (:
I found this to be a fascinating glimpse into your life, Liz! I’m jealous about your childcare flexibility but I know just what you mean about having the husband home all the time – I feel like that by the end of the weekend!
But truly, more positives than negatives.
What’s this nonsense about running up the stairs to check with him on stuff. That’s what texting is for!
Ha! Love that angle. And, you are right. Why should I inconvenience myself with running up the stairs?
I think it would be hard to have him there,but really at work.
Twitter: mommymatter
I know EXACTLY! what you are going through. I have worked from home for 4 years now full time and my fiance also works from home full time. My oldest is in school full time, but my daughter is home with us all day long. We both work together, and we find our lives are all about work. It’s all we talk about and let’s just say, romance is a hit and miss unless we have a great day business wise.
Working from home can be great, but then I am also doing the house wife, maid, short order cook, entertainer, etc etc alongside my daily work requirements.
Working from home is sooooo not what it is cut out to be, but I wouldn’t change it for a 9-5 job EVER!
Twitter: reallifewkids
This is so cool to know about you! When my husband was a restaurant manager he would work until 4 am sometimes and then come home to sleep. Trying to keep 3 kiddos in a tiny house quiet so he could get a rest was super challenging. Then it was – what will we do when he gets up? Something together? Will he need to go right back into work?
His schedule was crazy and it was hard to balance his work and me and the babies being home all the time.
Really fun to read about how it is for you!
Cate
Twitter: NinaBadzin
I think my husband would flip if he really know how much sponge bob is on around here.
This comment totally made me laugh, Nina!
Twitter: makingitworkmom
My husband has been working from home 4 years now and for the most part it works great for us. He is able to bring our older two to school and they are able to come straight home from school and I don’t have to worry about it much, well except when he travels or has a really important phone conference. And he always gets sick duty too so I never have to worry about that. Whenever he talks about finding another job I start to panic because I can’t imagine disrupting our life with a new schedule.
The downside: He is a slob ( I am assuming you don’t have that problem). Lunch plates and cups are left lying around and instead of coming home to a house that is as clean as I left it in the morning I come home to a house that is messier – which really sucks.
I also work from home sometimes. He has an office and generally I hang out in the kitchen, but I am thinking this summer I will be spending more time out of the room so I am carving out a nook in our bedroom.
Happy that you and Craig have it worked out!
I’d probably have to shoot myself in the face. It’s not that I don’t love spending time with Ken, because I do. I’m just crazy and anal and I’d never let anyone survive if I couldn’t do things my way.
I work from home and my husband works out of state:) But one day a week he works from home and we love it. Of course we are so starved for time with him ,that we will take anything we can get at this point.The one and only good point for the commuter marriage. I do know that when he is home ,I feel as if he is underfoot and that can be maddening at times.
Great post! I am a SAHM/WAHM and my husband works long hours. I wish we saw more of him, but maybe not all day, every day.
I work from home and don’t think it would work if my hubby did too
The days he is off and I am working we get nothing accomplished and have no system. When he goes to work we get back on track…it just works better for us!
My hubby drives me nuts when he is hanging around the house! NUTS!! He needs to have projects, “things to do”, and errands to run. Otherwise I have to “entertain” him all day…you know where I’m going with this right? If he’s bored, he thinks that’s the perfect solution. SO glad he works outside the home!!
Twitter: latorres
Christian doesn’t work from home, but he does have so much flexibility in his job that he comes home if I need to go to a dr appt, or even if I have to take someone to the pedi and don’t want to have to take all. three. kids. So I hear you on sounding like a needy person when selecting a time.
When I was pregnant with Zoe he was working from home once a week, and that once day was my savior since my pregnancy was difficult. But the girls were antsy knowing he was back in the office (aka our bedroom), and I even seemed to lose my patience faster because I knew he would be there to rescue me. I know we would get used to it if he worked from home all the time, but those days definitely had their ups and downs.
My husband would go nuts if he worked at home – he drags himself to work even if he’s dog-sick and tired – the corporate office is a picnic compared to my home office
.
Twitter: booyahsmomma
I have to say, I envy Craig’s commute time. As the WAH component of our family, I really like the fact that you don’t have text him constantly: “What’s your ETA? Will you be home on time tonight? Where are you; dinner’s getting cold!” Hypothetically speaking, that is.
I have to admit, that would be a trying situation for me: having the hubs there all.day.long.
Momma likes some quiet time, and yes, that sometimes means w/o the hubs breathing down her neck:)
Okay, though, I admit, I think the benefits would outweigh the negatives. SO helpful in all the situations you described!
I’m the type that NEEDS alone time. In 2009, due to the “financial crisis”, my husband was on an on-one-week-off-the-next, work schedule, and I had to practice all kinds of patience. It’s one thing to actually “be retired”, and have prepared for it, but to be kind of “forced” into to it, albeit, part-time, is quite another. So, I got him a dog, to keep him busy and out of my shadow.
I was relieved when he got back on his regular schedule and will buy him 3 dogs, if I have to, when he retires full-time! Love him dearly, but I do not need a shadow, EVER, not even my own!
My husband worked from home for a year. At first, I hated it, but towards the end I really loved it. I never took the kids grocery shopping and that was bliss. It took some adjustment when we started working away from home again! There are definitely pros and cons.
Twitter: ByWordsMusings
Ian has always traveled, the girls have never known anything other than him being gone most weeks and home on the weekends. With homeschooling we tag along when its someplace fun. When he is home he has ants in his pants and I can only handle so many walks!
Also, if he was home all of the time I would weigh 300lbs since he loves to cook and does it well.
The upside of his travels, is that he encourages MeTime, and never bats an eyelid when I plan nights out or trips away – win win!
Nice to our ‘club’ supporting eachother out here today
My husband works from home, from the office and travels. I like the home-office part. Sometimes I want him to be gone so I can think and move about the quiet house freely (when my babe is at the nursery). But sometimes I want him home so we can have lunch together or have flexibility to make doctor appointments during my son’s naps. You’re right – it’s good and bad, but never good when he travels.
I didn’t know that your husband works from home! We both work from a home office and though he is sometimes gone, we work together and many times I’m gone with him. Much togetherness. You nailed it. Both the better and the …not so better : )
My husband works from home every now and again and while we enjoy the flexibility it’s really more of a nuisance for me. He texts me for snacks…’nuff said.
Twitter: MyPixieBlog
She’s one of my fav’s, too, so it’s wonderful to see her here as well
I have always wanted to work from home, at least one or two days in the week, and it’s interesting to hear that, like anything else, this presents some challenges, too.
Thanks for the intro to this new site! I would simultaneously die and be thrilled if my hubby worked from home. I’m pretty sure he would get no work done cause I would want him to be parenting the whole time! I like the idea of family dinners every night though.
Oh man! That flexibility in child care would be SO nice!
My hubby deploys and goes son constant field exercises, so… ya. I wish he were home more often
Twitter: gayletrini
Oh wow this is so my life right now! LOL
Nicely done
Oh, it is so wonderful to see you here Gayle! It has been a while!!!
My husband works from home increasingly after a job change. I do not like it because he meddles with the house affairs, critisizes the state of the house, asks if there is food, and just bothers me overall. I much prefer when he is gone and I have told him so. I just don’t like having him in my hair and his nagginess is frustrating. I already have a preschooler and a newborn to care for and I can do that fine on my own. Worse, when he works from home he does not drive the preschooler to school, so it is double duty for me. It is really saddening that this arrangement is not working out.
One big factor is that people who work from home usually end up being “unavailable” for less time because they save on the commute. Unfortunately, my husband does not do that. He sleeps in a bit more because there is no commute but then he works very long hours, longer than is he were commuting. So in the end it is worse for the family, especially with his meddling and no positive contribution during the work day. Sighs…